nut hugger
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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