My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
