Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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