so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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