okay pat passed out under dana's car
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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