You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
