Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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