I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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