Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
