I can't watch pbs sober anymore
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
