we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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