i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
