i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
