she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
