dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
