Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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