Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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