she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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