worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
