I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I checked into jail on foursquare
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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