She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize