got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
