I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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