i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
