I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize