I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Randomize
