fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
