I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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