Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
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