something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
