no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
