I can't breathe out the right side of my face
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm getting married
To pizza
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