i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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