the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
