So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
