This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
