No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
me + whiskey = a bad person
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
