His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
