So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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