She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
