My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Why is your signature on my underwear?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
