If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize