We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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