you guys were way drunker than both of me
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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