Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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