Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
