he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
