my vag is so smooth its legendary
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
