the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize