There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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