Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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