I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
