We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
