you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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