Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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