I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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