Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
