He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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