so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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