My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
