found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
