remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
