I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
