I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
