I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
