How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Randomize
