Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You've changed since you got that strap on
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize