can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
And then he peed in my hair
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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